I love ecstatic experience. I crave it. I also have an intention to ground myself more, to come more into the (often very messy) details of my life and create practical change and order. Am I finding these two attitudes to be contradictory? Sometimes. . . Yes. But in the grand scheme of things? Absolutely not. Allow me to explain:
Case one is this blog. My original intention with this blog was to write every week. Instead, I haven't written since June. . . Three months! I've recommitted myself to regular writing in the past and it just hasn't stuck. I could give excuses. Say how busy and crazy the summer was. How it's hard to translate the difficult moments of my life onto the page while being immersed in them. (There's a desire not to betray the people or institutions in my life that I have struggled with and also a plain old fear of embarrassment.) I could ruminate about how I never set a regular day of the week to write and so it's easy to see how I would "fail" in this endeavor, not be so regular as the "every day for 30 days" project that I attempt. It's easy to wallow in excuses, in ruminations, in self-flagellation. What brings me out of it? Inspiration.
Inspiration is what puts a song in my heart, what sets me singing and dancing around the house. Inspiration is what gives me a vision, a purpose. Inspiration is joy, the reason for living, the impetus to reach out and connect with other people in some meaningful, or even silly!, way. It is the reason to be out there, in the world. It is the reason to be myself and follow my heart. It is the fire, the spark of life. It's the reason I perform, the reason why I teach, the reason why I created my album "Natural Surreality".
To bring in an astrological perspective: The planet Mars went into the sign of Leo late last night. I spent the last bit of the evening laughing and, playfully, verbally sparring with my husband--not in a negative way at all, just good, un-self-conscious fun. (Proceeded with, and followed by, lots of cuddles.) The kind of thing that brought us together. Today, I've been enjoying a morning off (I teach on weekend mornings, so today is kind of my weekend morning): watching videos on YouTube, snuggling with my cats, singing/playing piano and now writing this blog. Elementally, Leo is the sign of "fixed" (meaning, enduring) fire. It's also the sign that rules performing, self-expression and just plain having fun, being like a kid again. And I welcome this new energy. Thanks, Mars in Leo!
Fire, or inspiration is so essential. It's the reason why I was able to move out of self-absorbed "stuckness" (one possible negative manifestation of Mars in Cancer, which is a water sign) to write this blog today. I had been wanting to write for a while, but not sure what about or how to communicate something "worthwhile" and personally meaningful. Then, last Sunday, while sitting under a tree, meditating and invoking the energy of the beautifully full moon (in the sign of Pisces, my "home", or natal, moon sign), I felt filled with joy and peace. And the first inspiration came: "I could blog again. I feel ready to write."
Then, it was a just a matter of either: a) going immediately with that feeling (allowing the "charge" from that experience to charge my own writing) or b) setting aside (proactive) or "finding" (passive) time to do the blog post. I didn't immediately go with the feeling then (the fire-y thing to do) or set aside the time (the earthy, grounded thing to do) but the stage was set. And luckily, today I had the same opportunity. I was running on the relaxed but pleasant charge of an open Leonine-infused morning, and then sat down to make my list of things to do this week, over a late breakfast (cue earthy, Virgo-an practically and paying attention to the body). Blogging was one of the things on the list. So, when the inspiration popped into my head (I crave ecstatic expereience. I am also trying hard to ground myself. . . Are they things contradictory?"), and I realized I had the free time, I decided to go with it.
I've been playing (there that's Leo word again!) with joining fire and earth more, with acknowledging and following the inspiration: not just to sing, but to make lists, to put away that pile of papers, to call/text that person I haven't gotten back to and let them know I care (there's some water/air too), to make a sorting system for my incoming bills, to respond to the e-mails I've been ignoring, to compliment someone and not hold back, to hug someone I care about. . . . To go hiking! (That's earthy/firey, moving the body, stimulating health, feeding my soul.) So, yeah, in inspired style, I've listed some things that are very earthy and practical (doing the bills list) along with some things that are more about air/water (reaching out and connecting with others). But the point is that fire, inspiration, can ignite it all! And I'm finding that to be the case in my life.
Now, I will acknowledge that not everything feels so inspired to me (like, sitting down to do my taxes before the extension deadline this year, or logging my mileage every day after driving). Some things involve top-down decision making, planning, a willingness to be patient and bear with a difficult process. This is all very relevant and I honor the willingness and necessity of slugging through the trenches, not turning away from the tough stuff. I'm all about that too.
But today, this week, I wanted to hold that special place for fire, for how it moves and shapes and inspires. I am so grateful to have a wind underneath my feet and a reason to write today, as I start my week. Here's wishing all of you a wonderful, blessed and, most of all, inspired, week this week. Namaste.